


Cry for him

by Raccoon_Priestess



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst, Crisis on Infinite Earths Crossover Event (CW DC TV Universe), First Kiss, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Last Kiss, Multi, Not A Fix-It, Past Laurel Lance/Oliver Queen, Pre-Crisis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:27:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25450867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raccoon_Priestess/pseuds/Raccoon_Priestess
Summary: Crisis is coming. There is no stopping it, no way to prevent what was going to happen. Oliver had said goodbye to almost everybody, and he thought he was ready to face his death. But looking at Barry was hard, not to mention talking to him. So Oliver did the next best thing he could think of. Instead of waking Barry up, he spent the whole night in front of his bedroom window.
Relationships: Barry Allen/Iris West, Barry Allen/Oliver Queen, Oliver Queen/Felicity Smoak
Comments: 11
Kudos: 24





	Cry for him

**Author's Note:**

> It was fun to write even if a little hard. There are some quotes from the Bible and Elseworlds 'cause why not. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Oliver knew what he was about to do the minute he heard the news. It wasn’t a choice, not for him. Monitor was so wrong alongside the whole destiny or whatever fate was out there. He wasn’t going to let Barry die, he would do everything he could to stop it, and he’d be damned if he’d not succeed. Still, he felt like a creep, sitting on the stairs of the fire escape and watching Barry through the window, the speedster fast asleep next to his wife. He wasn’t even trying to cover himself, old leather jacket instead of a hood, and no mask. He didn’t need it anyway, people knew he was the Green Arrow, a lifetime ago when he confessed to being the vigilante. Even when he was doing it as Oliver Queen, watching Barry felt weird, wrong.

Younger hero stirred, rolling over in the bed. Oliver smiled to himself, feeling tears in his eyes. That was new. Not that he wanted to cry, more the fact he wanted to cry from looking at Barry. Maybe it could be explained, he was about to never see him again once the Crisis would be over. Should he be the one to think about his life without Barry? He was dying, people were going to lose him.

There was no reason to cry. Barry was never his to cry over. Sure they were friends, close friends, but crying after a friend was different from crying after someone more.

Oliver loved Felicity, truly loved her, he had married her. Like it was not long ago he was again standing by Barry’s side while the speedster was vowing his love for Iris. It wasn’t changing that Felicity wasn’t Oliver’s only one.

Barry caught his attention from the start, he was annoying, making Oliver unsure about everything he knew. He was curious, asking too many questions and then lied to him, discovered his secret like it was nothing. So Oliver acted like he did, and he wasn’t happy to remember, yet Barry left a mask for him. The archer touched his face, tracing lines from his cheekbones, under his eyes, and through his nose. He could swear he was able to feel the same pressure on his skin, just like the first time he put the mask on.

Then Barry was hit by lightning and got his powers, became a hero, superhero. When he came to Oliver for advice, standing on that damn roof, not believing in himself, after everything he has done for the archer before he got powers, it was Oliver’s warning. And he wanted to listen to it, stay away, don’t cross his ways with Barry. But fate hated him from the start so the lead of the case had to be in Central City, where he saw Barry, the Flash, in his suit, with his smile, and he felt like losing all the self-control. Oliver was moving against his own will, got the name of the bad guy, and offered a partnership and it didn’t end on the one team-up.

He tried to convince himself it was just friendship, nothing more, he didn’t need to read between the lines. He knew what love feels like. There were plenty of women Oliver loved, some were different from others, it wasn’t always strong love, the one that always protects, always trust, always hopes, but he knew that one too. There was also Tommy, his Tommy, who died to save Laurel.

Barry went through his walls like they were nothing, making Oliver more attracted to him, making his ways into Oliver’s thoughts in a flash, even if the archer never admitted it out loud. Barry who was not self-seeking, not easily angered, who kept no record of wrongs. When Oliver was dealing with the League of Assassins, he didn’t have time to, nor he wanted to, think of Barry. On the cold nights in Nanda Parbat, when he was trying to convince himself he hadn’t lost his connection to his life, he was coming back to the rare moments with Barry, falling for him again and again, for a smile, for voice telling him he had a light inside him, he was a hero. But Oliver still kept his distance from Central City, forced himself to focus on the things he knew and could have. His safer choices.

One of the safest things Oliver could think of was Felicity.

For some time when Oliver was thinking that Laurel was it, the love of his life, one like none of the others, he’d never be able to move on. He was in love with her, he was hers in every meaning if those words. Yes, before the island he had cheated on her a lot, they off-again-on-again relationship wasn’t perfect, but it was all Oliver could ask for it. If it wasn’t for Laurel, he wouldn’t make it home - looking at her photo, every thought about her, she herself stopping him from killing himself at the end of his journey. When he came back from the island, it felt different. Oliver wanted to tell her about so many things every night, and he couldn't. And Laurel, his precious Laurel, she was standing next to him anyway. And when she discovered his secret identity, she didn’t run away. She told him to never stop fighting, put the city before herself.

God as his witness, Oliver never stopped loving her. He wasn’t so in love with her anymore but after her death and after he was through with her Earth 2 doppelgänger, he still loved her. Unfortunately, it turned out Felicity wasn’t the love of his life either.

Whenever Oliver was on the island, in Hong Kong or Russia, he liked to think of himself as a quick learner. Just find a good enough method and you can catch up on anything.

So Oliver leaned how to love Barry and keep his distance.

It was hard at the beginning since the archer always was taking what he wanted, even if he shouldn’t. Standing next to Barry quickly began to be so tempting. Oliver wanted to kiss him, hug him, take him home, and spent hours talking about how wonderful Barry was. Fingers longer to feel Barry’s intertwined with his, Barry’s scent was messing with his head, yet it helped him clear his mind. The feeling of Barry’s arms wrapped around him was always so fresh on him. He wanted to have all of it, but he couldn’t. Just don’t let him hug you, you will finally move on. It was so hard to say no to Barry.

There were times when Oliver wanted to stop feeling it, hate Barry, and blame him for his condition. When he felt like crying all night, aching for the speedster to run into his arms. So many moments Oliver wanted to give up, not only his feelings but leave his hood and the city. It was Barry’s words that gave him hope, his secret nobody knew about. Oliver always felt pain in his chest when he was getting up in the fight because of imagines of the speedster telling him he was a hero, a good man.

Being with Barry as friends had to be enough for Oliver. He had his light. He had Barry in his life and it was more than he could dare to ask for. Loving his friend, loving him for years, and not do anything about it. It was killing him and giving him life at the same time and Oliver never wanted to end this torture.

The archer also knew how Barry’s lips felt pressed against his own and it could be his biggest regret - not having more of it, even if he felt like taking advantage of Barry.

The speedster showed at his doors one night, looking devastated, tears running down his face. Oliver let him in and guide him to his room, sat with him on the bed, and didn’t ask questions, he let Barry hug him, hold onto him like a lifeline. The younger man cried until there were no more tears in his eyes. When he could form a coherent sentence, he told Oliver what happened. He saw the Crisis, many versions of it, and everyone kept dying every one, he wasn’t fast enough to stop it. It wasn’t until later when he admitted there was one future where they all lived, the one in which the scarlet speedster vanished. Flash missing; vanishes in crisis.

Oliver tensed, he already knew it but hearing Barry saying, it was making it more real. The archer had a deal with Monitor and Barry was going to live. But it was scary to think about the possibility, it hurt to see Barry so broken, to imagine a world without him. His eyes filled with tears, Oliver tried to blink them away. For some time they were quiet, embracing each other. Barry was tired from crying and Oliver couldn’t comfort him, wasn’t able to lie to him, and once the speedster would know about his plan he’d try to talk him down from the idea of saving him.

He wasn’t sure how it happened, but between saying nothing and lost ‘I’m scared’, ‘I don’t wanna die’ and ‘I can’t lose you’ their lips connected in a desperate kiss. Oliver was burning alive and he couldn't breathe. They tasted tears and salt, but they didn’t care, fisting shirts in their hands, bringing each other closer and closer until there was no more space between them.

Barry pulled away first, laying his head on Oliver’s shoulder, crying again. Oliver was running his hand through the speedster’s hair, sometimes brushing over his face until Barry’s breath slowed, and he fell asleep. The archer laid them down, pressing his chest to the speedster’s back, wrapping an arm around his slim waist and burying his face in his neck, breathing in intoxicating smell. Oliver felt like he was in the right place for the first time in a long time, the perspective of the Crisis wasn’t frightening with Barry in his arms, death was far away from them. It turned out Barry was moving a lot so Oliver didn’t get much sleep, he was waking up at the smallest movement. They were dancing subconsciously, never letting go of the other. When Oliver turned around Barry always chased after him. Once the archer ended up with Barry's head on his chest, and he was trying to keep his eyes open, trying to memorize every second of the moment and every part of Barry.

Oliver remembered looking at Barry and thinking how awful he looked. Whole face red, puffy eyes and messed up hair. Barry he saw that night had nothing in common with always good-looking Barry, the one with a perfect figure. Oliver was always watching every inch of his skin with hungry eyes, wherever his mask was off, and he could look at his face or his shirt rolled up reliving the shadow of his abs and stomach. Barry wasn't perfect, Oliver was well aware of this, but he was ideal in his imperfection, making him something pure and off-limits.

He shouldn't sit by that damn window, he had his adult children in Star City, things he should do before the end and people he should say goodbye to. Oliver closed his eyes, turning his head to the other side. He could do this. Stand up and walk away, don't wake Barry up and don't let him know about his sacrifice.

Oliver wished there was another way. He heard Barry's friends tried to find it, the perfect solution where no one has to die. They wanted to save Barry and little did they know Barry would live.

There were many situations in which Oliver wanted to die for someone, painful memories of his helplessness fresh in his mind. Every time he felt the adrenaline in his veins, it was an easy decision without second thoughts. When he was looking at Barry, Oliver had problems in keeping his decision. He knew that once the time would come, he would act and fight and die. No one ever told him it would feel this way, this knowledge of living without Barry in his life if there even was life after death. What was after death? Oliver never feared it, since the yacht went down he was dancing with death day after day and there he was, scared of what was about to come.

He had to outcome the fear. Barry was going to wake up on the day of Crisis and then go to bed after it. The speedster was about to see as many sunsets and sunrises as he physically could. Live his long and happy life with his wife, children, friends, and family. His own family was growing up without him anyway, it wasn’t making any difference. Barry had to begin a new life without Oliver, but he’d be still alive, inspiring hope and saving people, be the best of them.

He looked at the lightening horizon. It was time for him to go. Just one more look, one last time, one last temptation to go inside the bedroom, sit beside Barry and wait for him to open his eyes.

“I love you, Barry Allen,” Oliver whispered, his voice breaking with tears, his vision blurred. “I'll- I will do everything I can to keep you alive, to save you,” he paused, wanting to say so much more, but he wasn’t able to find the right words. “I hope I will get my goodbye with you at the end but- I just want to- I love you so much.”

Oliver wiped away tears with his hands. He stood up and then froze, he noticed movement in the corner of his eye. Barry sat up on the bed, hand running through his hair. He was looking around as searching for something that has woken him up. When Barry’s eyes landed on him, Oliver smiled sadly, waving at him, before he jumped into the night.

Hopefully, Barry would fall asleep again and assume that the known figure outside the window was part of his dream.

Hopefully, Barry won’t cry after him, regretting the time they both waste.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on tumblr [here](https://raccoonpriestess.tumblr.com/) (nothing's there but if you have questions or just want to talk you can message me)
> 
> I was crying hard at 'I love you' part, I'm not gonna lie 
> 
> I think Barry had a crush on Oliver when he met him, but then he came back to Central and after the lightning, he threw himself into what he had known, and he had known Iris. He tried to deny his feelings for Oliver but sometimes he just couldn't stop himself from noticing little changes like how Oliver looked and comment on it. When he thought he was destined to die he went to Oliver, and he ended up having break down and kissing Oliver. He was surprised when his friend kissed him back. Then Crisis came and Oliver said he had given it all up for him. After the crisis, Barry though many times what could have been if they weren't hiding their feeling but it was too late. When he came back home from Lian Yu, he told Iris everything, about the mask and that he and Oliver had kissed. I have no idea how Iris could react. Lucky me I don't have to think about it.
> 
> I'm sure I won't write Barry's part so if anyone wants to play with it or maybe with Iris' POV feel free to do so, just let me know once you finished 'cause I'd love to read it but it's okay if that would be left and die.
> 
> For those of you who maybe read my other story - I'm working on You're here 2 (I swear I'm working on the title too) but it's harder than I thought it would be for a few reasons like a broken computer, two-years-old toddler and I put too much pressure on myself thinking that second part needs to be even better than the first one, and I was looking at episodes from seasons 2&4 separately, and they weren't making much sense in a long time run and it wasn't helping either. But I'm better now, excited to see how it will happen and I will be back soon. Just needed a break in the form of something shorter with not much plot to get myself to work again.


End file.
